The Renewed Commitment
by shamy.gal
Summary: What happens when two lost souls, who lost faith in the world, find each other? Will they allow themselves to have faith again? AU and OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory.**

**A/N:**

**This story will be an AU and OOC and will start in 2010. I got this idea during Memorial Day in my country and the fact that it's true to a lot of people in a lot of countries around the world.**

**This story did not happen to me.**

**The story will revolve around dealing with loss and how affect someone. If it's a trigger to anyone who decides to read this story, please do it carefully.**

**I am no expert on any subject or topic that may come up in this story. I'm using my creativity, I channel my own feelings from different experiences and I read a lot as I write about the topics I write about, but I am no expert and I do not have any certificate that says that I am, so please don't use my story as any formal thing.**

**I have no intention of offending anyone with my story.**

**Chapter 1:**

Sheldon was coming out of his room after he half of the morning in his room and went straight to his desk and wore his windbreaker and put his wallet and his phone and put them in his pockets.

"Where are you going?" Leonard said from his desk and expected Sheldon to tell him he needs a ride.

"Out." Sheldon said without looking at Leonard and went to grab his keys and got out of the apartment.

"Will you – " Leonard started but before he finished the sentence, Sheldon was already out the door and went down the stairs.

"Come back for dinner?" Leonard asked behind the door and sighed heavily at Sheldon's peculiar behavior, but kept on working.

By now Leonard have learnt that at times it is better to let Sheldon be… well, Sheldon.

Leonard tried to get back to work, but something about Sheldon's behavior kept nudging him. He thought about the past week and he started to notice that Sheldon has been acting weirder than usual in the past week.

He tried to think of anything that he may have missed.

_Maybe it's his birthday?_ Leonard thought. He still didn't know when that was.

Leonard tried to think about Sheldon's behavior a year ago around that time. it was really vague to him and he couldn't really remember how he was last year around this time, but he was still about worried about him.

Dinner time arrived and so did the rest of the group, but there was no sign of Sheldon.

"Where did he go?" Raj asked Leonard.

"I don't know. he didn't say. He only said he was going out when I asked him and left." Leonard said and looked at his phone to see if Sheldon answered his message, but he didn't.

"Who cares? We have a free night from Sheldon. Let's enjoy it." Howard took some more rice from his food.

"Howie!" Bernadette glanced at him and he looked at her confused.

"What? for one night we don't have to hear him complain about the food, our eating habits or that the rice is not in the correct shape." Howard shrugged and kept on eating.

The rest of the group just rolled their eyes at Howard's comment and kept eating. After a few moments Raj broke the silence all of a sudden.

"You said he was in a foul mood all week?" Raj asked Leonard again.

"Yes."

"And wasn't he like that around this time last year?" Raj tried again.

"I tried to remember but nothing came up. Why do you remember something?"

"Yes. I asked him if he wanted to go to a movie with me and he lectured me about how it is not the right time to go to the movies and that I should be ashamed of myself and that by now I should know better than go to the movies in that time of year, unlike people who goes to the movies and shopping." Raj shrugged.

"What did he mean by 'that time of year'?" Penny asked.

"I don't… wait… I think it was the week of Memorial Day…" Raj said and Leonard quickly grabbed his phone and looked at the calendar.

"Oh my god. Yes. tomorrow is Memorial Day." Leonard said with a heavy sigh.

"Did he lose someone in war or a military operation?" Bernadette asked.

"I don't think so… his dad passed away when he was 14 from due to some weight problems. His grandfather also passed away when he was 5, but I don't remember the cause. I do know that it wasn't in a military operation." Leonard tried to think of some connection from all the information he gathered.

"How about his brother? Or maybe someone was in a military operation?" Bernadette tried.

"Brother's alive and he never said anything about someone who was in the army." Leonard thought hard.

"I guess you could ask him…" Bernadette suggested and it was clear she still don't know Sheldon well enough, a thing that Howard pointed out.

"You're sweet…" Howard chuckle sarcastically.

"What?" Bernadette wondered.

"Sheldon doesn't like to talk about his feelings, let alone private stuff. We don't even know when his birthday is." Penny explained.

"So how come Leonard know all the things he mentioned." Bernadette insisted.

"Mostly anecdotes and things he mentioned from time to time, but he never had a deep conversation with any of us about his past." Raj said.

Just as Raj finished talking, they heard footsteps in going up stairs and then they heard Sheldon's keys in the door.

"Hey." Everyone said.

"Hello." Sheldon said back without looking at anyone and went straight to his desk and put his things on the chair at his desk.

"How was it… outside?" Howard asked Sheldon who glared at him for a moment and then grabbed phone from his desk.

"Fine." Sheldon answered shortly. He then went straight to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water and went to his room and stayed there for the rest of the evening.

Once everyone left, Leonard knocked gently on Sheldon's door.

"Buddy, are you okay?" Leonard asked gently, but Sheldon didn't reply.

After a few moments of silence Leonard decided to let Sheldon be.

"Okay… well, I'm right in the next room if you need me." Leonard said and left for his nightly routine and then turned into bed.

Once Leonard was in his room, Sheldon got out and did his own routine for the night and turned in as well.

That night was one of the toughest nights Sheldon had in many years. The last time he had such a rough night was 8 years ago; that was the last time he had actual trouble sleeping after what happened.

It's been 10 years since then and for Sheldon, the first two years were the toughest, and after that it seems like the dreams morphed into sweet yet sad memories, and at the same time Sheldon started to accept the situation that was forced on him and it showed in his sleeping patterns and in his dreams. He came to terms with what happened, but he wasn't the same.

Sheldon had some tough nights, but eventually he could sleep somewhat okay, but that night was an exception.

He tossed and turned in bed and for the one time he was able to sleep he came back to the horrible day when his whole life turned upside down and he couldn't sleep.

It was 3:30 am when he opened the drawer in his bedside table and took out and old framed photo and caressed it softly.

"I miss you." Sheldon whispered as he looked at the picture and felt the tears falling down his face.

Eventually Sheldon fall asleep hugging the picture as if his life depends on it.

It was 7:00 am when Leonard knocked on Sheldon's door. He wasn't used to Sheldon being asleep at this time of day. Not even when it's a day off.

"Sheldon, are you alright?" Leonard asked, but didn't get an answer.

He was getting more and more worried about his friend and opened the door to Sheldon's room and saw his friend sleeping soundly. At a second glance Leonard noticed that Sheldon was hugging a picture frame.

_That's odd. _Leonard thought, but before he had any time to do something else – being it getting out of the room or waking Sheldon up – Sheldon stirred and woke up by himself.

"What are you doing here?" Sheldon berated Leonard.

"I… I was worried about you… I saw that you didn't wake up so I came to check on you. Is everything alright? You are worrying me." Leonard said, a little scared of Sheldon's reaction.

"I'm fine. you should have knocked." Sheldon said as he tightened his grip on the picture frame and sat in his bed.

"I did. you didn't answer. Sheldon, are you sure you're okay?" Leonard tried once again.

"Why are pressing this? I told you I'm fine." Sheldon huffed, but a single tear escaped from his eyes.

"Because this past week you've been more isolated than ever, you barely hang out with us…" Leonard said quietly.

"Look… I appreciate the concern, but everything is fine. it's just some personal stuff. It will pass." Sheldon tried to calm his friend down without getting into specifics.

"Okay. but I'm right here if you want to talk." Leonard said and left Sheldon alone.

Sheldon sat in his bed, looking at the picture in his hand.

"What do you think? should I talk to him?" He asked the person in the picture, but the person only smiled back at him. the same smile he missed so much, but Sheldon played the conversation between them anyway.

"Yeah. He is a good person. I hope it won't drag out more teasing from them." Sheldon said and sighed.

"I guess it's time." Sheldon said and got out of bed with the picture frame, the picture facing his chest.

"Leonard, can we talk?" Sheldon asked his friend who was watching a show.

"Of course. Is this about what's bothering you?" Leonard asked.

"Yes."

"Does it have to do with the picture you're holding?"

Sheldon only nodded.

In that moment Penny entered the apartment.

"Hey. What are you guys doing?" Penny asked as she went to grab a drink.

Sheldon looked at Leonard with pleading eyes and Leonard immediately took matters to his own hands.

"We are actually working on something. Do you mind coming back later?" Leonard asked with a smile.

"Okay." Penny said once she saw how Sheldon looked. She could tell that whatever is going on there, it has nothing to do with work and has everything to do with whatever it is that makes Sheldon upset.

Once Penny left the apartment, Leonard went to lock the door and sat back in the white chair.

"Are you okay?" He asked Sheldon who was holding the picture even tighter.

"Yes. Thank you."

There was a tense silence that eventually Sheldon broke.

"Leonard you have to promise me that you will not tell **anyone **what I am about to tell you. **Especially not **to Penny." Sheldon looked at Leonard with fire in his eyes, something that Leonard never saw from him.

"I promise." Leonard said, trying to convey Sheldon that he could trust him.

Sheldon took a deep breath and lowered the picture frame and showed the person in the picture to Leonard.

There was a young woman there, not over 18. She had green-blue eyes and a long light brown hair, with round face.

"She's pretty. Is that your sister when she was younger?" Leonard asked, even though he doubted that Sheldon would keep a picture of his sister so close to him, let alone sleep with it.

"She wishes." Sheldon said bitterly.

"No. This… is… Elizabeth Kremer."

Silence.

Leonard looked at Sheldon more confused than ever before.

"She…" Sheldon faltered.

"She was my girlfriend."

**A/N:**

**Hey everyone. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my new story. I wanted to say thank you for keeping up with my stories and for not giving up on me.**

**I did not forget about the rest of my stories, but I really needed to write this story, at least the beginning of it down, and I hope you will enjoy it and I would love to read your thoughts.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory.**

**A/N:**

**This story is definitely about Sheldon and Amy, but it will be an AU and OOC and will start in 2010.**

**I got this idea during Memorial Day in my country and the fact that this story can be true to a lot of people in a lot of countries around the world.**

**The story will revolve around dealing with loss and how affect someone. If it's a trigger to anyone who decides to read this story, please do it carefully.**

**I have no intention of offending anyone with my story.**

**The first part of the story that is written in Italic is from the previous chapter.**

**Chapter 2:**

_"Leonard you have to promise me that you will not tell __**anyone **__what I am about to tell you. __**Especially not **to __Penny." Sheldon looked at Leonard with fire in his eyes, something that Leonard never saw from him._

_"I promise." Leonard said, trying to convey Sheldon that he could trust him._

_Sheldon took a deep breath and lowered the picture frame and showed the person in the picture to Leonard._

_There was a young woman there, not over 18. She had blue eyes and a long light brown hair, with round face._

_"She's pretty. Is that your sister when she was younger?" Leonard asked, even though he doubted that Sheldon would guard a picture of his sister so close to him, let alone sleep with it._

_"She wishes." Sheldon said bitterly._

_"No. This… is… Elizabeth Kremer."_

_Silence._

_Leonard looked at Sheldon more confused than ever before._

_"She…" Sheldon faltered._

_"She was my girlfriend."_

It was a first that Leonard didn't know how to react to something that Sheldon told him about himself. he didn't even know what to do with his face. The only thing that went through his mind was, _Sheldon had a girlfriend?_ In a way he waited for the bazinga that never came.

Leonard cleared his throat once he noticed they haven't said anything to each other in 2 minutes and that Sheldon is looking at him with a suspicious look. As if he is waiting for Leonard to tease him or question him.

"Um… and… and what happened?" Leonard asked quietly. He was still shocked at what Sheldon has revealed to him.

"She…" Sheldon started but Leonard could see it was difficult for him so he did not pressure him.

A few moments of silence passed by, in which Sheldon tightened his hold on the picture frame and trued to compose himself.

Eventually Sheldon looked at Leonard straight in the eyes, "She died 10 years ago." Sheldon finally said.

Leonard didn't know what to say. He only looked at Sheldon with sympathy in his eyes.

"H-how?" Leonard stammered.

"She was in the air force. She was training when her plane and another plane collided and everyone who were on those planes died." Sheldon said with a broken voice.

"She… she was a pilot?" Leonard could only ask.

"Yes. she was based in Texas, but she aimed to be stationed in the Florida base." Sheldon smiled sadly at the young woman in the picture as he gently caressed the frame, as if he is caressing her locks again.

"I… I'm sorry…" Leonard whispered. He never imagined Sheldon carried this with him. he knew that Sheldon lost his father and grandfather at a young age, but from the first moment they met it never occurred to Leonard that Sheldon was ever in a relationship.

"May I ask a question?"

"Okay…"

"How… um… how long were you together?"

"Well… I was in my last year of my first PhD and she was in her last year of her B.A. we were both 15 and half when we met and we started dating towards the end of the school year, so we were both 16, so we were together for about 4 years." Sheldon said as he thought back on the time he and Elizabeth met.

"And… what class did you take that both of you attended to?"

"Philosophy. We needed some extra credit and I took all the science classes already and when she tried to register for the science classes, they were all full so she took philosophy." Sheldon explained.

"Um… what was her major?" Leonard asked quietly. He didn't want to push Sheldon on the subject, but it seems that Sheldon actually was a but it seems that Sheldon was relieved talking about his girlfriend.

"Chemistry. I always tried to understand why she was so fascinated with this topic. I always told her she can understand materials through physics as well, but she was fascinated with how to create them and separate them and the reactions of the materials… I still don't get it, but she was so passionate about it and she was always excited when she talked about her classes, that I couldn't help but let it go." Sheldon chuckled in sadness.

"You said she aimed for the base in Florida…?" Leonard asked quietly.

"Yes…" Sheldon said with a confused tone.

"Well…what were you going to do once she was stationed there?" Leonard asked quietly. The Sheldon he knows today wouldn't budge from his spot on the couch, so it seems weird that he would move for someone else. Then again, he never thought Sheldon had a girlfriend for 4 years.

"We had everything planned out. I was going to move with her to Florida and I would work there doing my research… but then… well… the accident happened… so I moved here… a place that won't make me think about her constantly or what would have been… clearly it had little very effect." Sheldon sighed heavily.

"I'm… I'm really sorry Sheldon." Leonard said quietly. He was overwhelmed with all the new information he just learned about Sheldon, especially from the fact that Sheldon was very committed to his girlfriend.

"Thank you… just… please don't say a word to the others…" Sheldon pleaded.

"I won't. I promise." Leonard raised his right hand as in oath.

"Thank you."

There was a tense silence before Leonard broke it once more.

"So… um… are you going to a certain ceremony today?" Leonard asked hesitantly.

"No. I'm going for a walk… maybe I'll go to the Planetarium at UCLA. We always loved to look at the stars and talk about it…" Sheldon said with a sad smile.

"Oh… okay… um… if… if it will help… I'm willing to come with… if you want to not feel alone…" Leonard stammered.

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary." Sheldon sad with an appreciative tone.

"Sure… sure." Leonard nodded in understanding.

They sat there for a few moments later before Sheldon spoke again.

"So… um… I'll go and get ready. I'll see you later today." Sheldon said as he rose from his spot on the couch.

"Okay." Leonard said and stayed in his seat.

Once Leonard heard Sheldon closing the door to the bathroom, he leaned back in the chair and let out a heavy sigh. Never in a million years he would have expected this story coming from Sheldon, but it only showed him that even though he thought he knows Sheldon pretty good, no one could ever really know a person… especially when that person is Sheldon Cooper.

When Sheldon came out of the bathroom ready for the day, Leonard was still sitting in the white chair, still processing everything that Sheldon has just told him.

"So… I'm going out." Sheldon said as he looked at Leonard who looked a bit weird.

"Oh… Okay. Will you join us for dinner?" Leonard asked Sheldon, since in the last week Sheldon hasn't joined them for dinner.

"I don't think so." Sheldon answered as he walked towards his desk to put on his windbreaker and then grabbed his messenger bag.

"Okay. see you later." Leonard said and Sheldon only nodded as he left the apartment for his usual walk.

Like every other thing in Sheldon's life, since he moved to California, he a specific course in his walks, that became more frequent when the anniversary of Elizabeth's death and Memorial Day were getting closer.

Sheldon always had respect for Memorial Day, but it seems like life played a cruel trick on him 10 years ago when Elizabeth died on May 28, 2000 – a day before Memorial Day that year.

As usual, Sheldon walked his usual path, thinking about everything he and Elizabeth shared over the course of 4 years, the plans they had once Liz and him will move to Florida, how he occasionally looked at engagement rings and how it scared him and made him feel happy all at the same time.

He thought about everything in the most vivid way, as if it happened yesterday. That was the problem with having an eidetic memory; Sheldon remembered everything to the smallest detail – the good and the bad. How he felt the first time they kissed, the first time they said 'I love you', the first time they committed to each other, but at the same time he remembered the less pleasant moments as well – the arguments (that eventually always been resolved thanks to Liz's patience and the way she always contained Sheldon's quirks) and the most horrible day in his life.

He remembered how he was in his and Liz's apartment in Austin and his mom just came to visit him and there was a knock on the door. he was confused when he saw through the peephole three men in uniforms. He opened the door for them and recognized that at least one of them wore an air force uniform. Once they confirmed that he was indeed Sheldon Cooper, he let them in quietly. He never was good with social cues, but this time he had an ominous feeling, and once the soldier with the air force uniform told him what happened to Liz, he didn't know what to with himself.

He remembered how he sat next to his mother, still. It was the first time in Sheldon's life that he had trouble grasping and understanding the concept of death. He lost his father and his grandfather and he understood the concept quicker than he understood the toughest equation. It took him some time to come to terms with it, especially when his Pop-Pop died, but he understood it nonetheless.

Not this time. Not with Liz. Not with the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Not with the first and only woman he ever loved and loved him back that wasn't his mother or his Meemaw. He just couldn't accept it. he didn't want to accept it. he thought that someone is playing a cruel joke on him, but that wasn't the case.

Even at Liz's funeral he still couldn't fathom the fact that it was her coffin covered in the United Stated flag and that she was lying inside.

It took Sheldon a long time to accept the fact that Liz was gone. Even after he moved to California, he still hoped she will call him and ask him where is he and that she'll tell him she misses him and that she'll see him soon – just like she did when they talked in the evening when she was in the base in San Antonio and he was at home in Austin, after they had long days of work and studying.

He kept walking and thinking about Liz until someone stopped him before he bumped into them.

"Hey… careful." A small voice said and got Sheldon out of his musing.

He looked at the direction of the voice, and saw a woman with brown hair with a hair pin on the right said, glasses, blue sweater and a brown skirt and black orthopedic shoes, looking right at him; leaning back a little. As he looked at her position, he saw how close they were to collide.

"I'm sorry." Sheldon said and reached his hand towards her, not wanting her to fall down, and she took it for balance.

"Thank you. it's alright. You seem pretty deep in thoughts." The woman said.

"Yes… yes… I'm sorry." Sheldon said again and then he looked at his surrounding and recognized it immediately.

It was the same building, the same coffee house that his feet lead him to in the last 8 years, since he moved to California in 2002.

It was the center he read about back in 2002, where they have meetings to support people who lost their dear ones during military operations and military training accidents. Sheldon always found himself at this place but he never once entered a meeting. He always ended up sitting at the coffee house next door.

He was once again deep in thoughts, when the woman, who's name he still didn't know, talked to him again.

"I… I've noticed you come here a lot…" She said quietly.

"Pardon me?" Sheldon asked her with a little anger in his voice.

"I'm sorry. I come here a lot too and I've seen you here a lot. Always sitting at the café." She said quietly.

"Are you spying on me?" Sheldon asked with anger.

"No, no. I'm sorry." She said and started walking away from Sheldon who stayed put on his place.

She looked back at him and returned to him.

"It's scary to go in. I know. I've been there, but it can help. Nothing will ever truly help, but the knowledge that there are people who can understand what a little about what you are going through… it can help." She said and started to walk away, but Sheldon started to talk before she was too far away from earshot.

"How would you know?" He asked.

"I told you. I've been there. Twice." She said as she came closer to him.

"Twice?" Sheldon looked at her with raised eyebrow, as if he doesn't believe her.

"Yes." Was all she said.

"Um… two… two different times?" Sheldon stammered.

"Same time. two loved ones." She said.

"I… I'm sorry." Sheldon whispered.

"Thank you." She whispered back.

They stood there quietly before the woman took out a card and handed it to Sheldon.

"I… I don't do that at all, but it seems you might need someone. This is my card… if… if you want to talk about it…" She said.

"Thank you…" Sheldon said quietly as he took her card and looked at it to see her name.

"Thank you… Amy Farrah Fowler." He said and looked at her with a small smile.

"You're welcome…" she said and looked at him, waiting for him to tell her his name.

"Sheldon Cooper." Sheldon said as he realized he hasn't introduced himself.

"You're welcome, Sheldon Cooper." She said and turned around and went to her car.

Sheldon stood there for a few moments, scanning the card the woman named Amy Farrah Fowler gave him.

_Amy Farrah Fowler, Neurobiologist, PhD._

It had her cellular number and what Sheldon assumed was her office number since it says on the card she works at UCLA.

_What are the odds? _Sheldon thought as he saw she works at UCLA.

Then he did what he does best; calculated the odds. They were slim, but they were still there. He then kept going a little further and entered the coffee house, ordered tea and sat in his usual spot.

**A/N:**

**Thank you all so much for your reviews on the first chapter. I can't tell you enough how much it means to me that you read my stories, especially this new one. **

**As I previously stated, I did not forget about my other stories, but I really wanted to write this story before I'll forget it or won't have the motivation, but by no means it means I forgot about my other stories, so thank you so much for your support and your reviews.**

**As always, I would love to read your thoughts about this chapter so leave them here.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory.**

**A/N:**

**This story is definitely about Sheldon and Amy, but it will be an AU and OOC and will start in 2010.**

**I got this idea during Memorial Day in my country and the fact that this story can be true to a lot of people in a lot of countries around the world.**

**The story will revolve around dealing with loss and how it affects someone. If it's a trigger to anyone who decides to read this story, please do it carefully.**

**I have no intention of offending anyone with my story.**

**Chapter 3:**

_Sheldon stood there for a few moments, scanning the card the woman named Amy Farrah Fowler gave him._

_Amy Farrah Fowler, Neurobiologist, PhD._

_It had her cellular number and what Sheldon assumed was her office number since it says on the card she works at UCLA._

_What are the odds? Sheldon thought as he saw she works at UCLA._

_Then he did what he does best; calculated the odds. They were slim, but they were still there. He then kept going a little further and entered the coffee house, ordered tea and sat at his usual spot. _

Sheldon sat at his usual spot in the coffee house; at a table next to a wall, facing the window wall of the coffee house, and he let himself get lost in his thoughts as he looked at outside the window at the street… at the people going on with their day.

Some of the people may have been busy with things that have to do with their work, some were clearly having a fun day with their family, which made Sheldon get annoyed with those people; _how could they have fun at a day where we remember those who lost their lives for this country? _He thought to himself as he tightened his hold on his cup of tea.

He took two deep breathes in order to calm down and reminded himself that the majority of the people did have respect for this day, even if this day didn't affect them directly in the sense that they lost someone close to them, they were well aware of the pain of those who did lose their loved ones in the military and they treated this day with respect and acknowledged it.

He sighed heavily as he took the last sip of his cup of tea, payed for his tea and left the coffee house.

After meeting Amy Farrah Fowler, Sheldon was a little bit hesitant about going to the planetarium at UCLA. He was a little afraid he will run into her again, and this wasn't a day to run into new people. Well pretty much every day wasn't a day to run into new people for Sheldon, but today in particular wasn't a day to run into new people. Especially a person who figured him out without him saying anything to her. even though she was nice and had good intentions… he wasn't sure he wanted to see her again anytime soon.

He was hesitant yes, and decided to keep with his original plan and visit the Griffith Observatory as he does every year on Memorial Day.

After he finished his tea Sheldon walked around, and to an outsider, or even Leonard and his friends, it would have seemed that Sheldon is going around aimlessly, and even when he walked into the public library, his friends may have risen an eyebrow since he normally uses the university library for everything he needs.

Sheldon entered the library and went to the section of the translated literature and looked for the book The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. He remembered the hype there was around this book when the translation came out and knew that Liz would love it. she loved mystery books and she read every Harlan Coben book that came out up until the accident, and Sheldon read the rest that came out after the accident… as if he's trying to help Liz compensate for what she's missing.

When The Shadow of the Wind came out, he didn't buy it like he did with the Harlan Coben books, but borrowed it and read it in one day. it was indeed well written, but Sheldon still didn't completely understand Liz's fascination with mystery, but he tried. Even after she was no longer with him, he still tried. The only reason he didn't buy this book was because he felt like if he were to buy it, it's like he's buying it for Liz and he'll be waiting for her response on it… a response that will never come and he couldn't let himself go back to the state he was in the first 2 years after Liz died, so he always pushed back the thought of purchasing the book and instead every Memorial Day he went to the public library and read this specific book.

Sheldon knew that if he went to the library in the university and one of his friends will see him reading this book, they will be asking questions. Questions he didn't want to answer.

Since Sheldon knew the book by heart by now, it only took him a few hours to finish it and not the entire day. Once he was done, he was still baffled by the book, but he had to admit that this book was good and he was pretty sure that if Liz was alive, she would have loved that book. This was the only book he decided to reread in the genre that Liz loved, because he sensed that it would have left a great impact on Liz; a book that she would talk about for days and will remember even years after reading it.

Sheldon left the library and went to a Chinese restaurant. It was Liz's favorite food to eat outside and whenever they ate outside or ordered takeout, a lot of the times they found themselves eating Chinese food. Sheldon always tried and convince Liz to eat something else… that's when he came up with the schedule for different dinners every day… but once Liz looked at him with her puppy eyes and pouted, Sheldon couldn't say no to her, and surrendered.

That's why he was so strict with his dinner schedule nowadays… especially when it came to eating Chinese food more than once a week.

So many things still remind him of Liz, that he couldn't stray from his schedule. He stuck to his dinner schedule for the majority of the year, but the week of Memorial was the one week he let himself eat Chinese food twice; once on Friday, which was the day he assigned for Chinese takeout, and on Memorial Day, in honor of Liz.

He was always afraid that straying from the schedules he made carefully over the years, will make him spiral down to a state where he can't function properly because of the pain of missing her.

Sheldon ordered what he usually orders and once the food came to his table, he looked that he got everything as he ordered it and started eating when the owner of the restaurant, who by now knew Sheldon and his friends, came to Sheldon as he did every year when Sheldon came to the restaurant alone, and brought Sheldon an egg roll, as he did every year since he figured something is going on with Sheldon on Memorial Day.

No one knew about Liz until today when he told Leonard about her. Sheldon never said a thing to the restaurant owner and he never dared to ask, but he have noticed that every year there is one day when Seldon comes to the restaurant alone and sits there to eat and he always looks troubled. A few years ago, the restaurant owner started making mental notes and saw that every year that Sheldon comes there every year on Memorial Day. by now the owner knew Sheldon and his specifics, so he figured it wasn't a coincidence that Sheldon comes to the restaurant on Memorial Day and he figured that Sheldon has some relation to this day, especially after seeing him so troubled every time he comes to the restaurant.

That's when the restaurant owner decided to treat Sheldon with a free egg roll every time he came to the restaurant on Memorial Day. He hoped that Sheldon wouldn't question it, but he was wrong, so he tried to brush it off with a "Memorial Day special", but that one blew up in his face since Sheldon started to lecture him how inappropriate it is to do such things on such day, and even though the restaurant owner wanted to slap Sheldon in that moment, he was able to explain to Sheldon that it's the restaurant's way of thanking the soldiers, the fallen soldiers and their families for fighting for the country and for sacrificing so much, and that seemed to calm Sheldon down. That lecture Sheldon gave the restaurant owner pretty much confirmed to him that Sheldon has a close connection with that day, and since then the restaurant owner started a new tradition with Sheldon, but also made it a policy in the restaurant, that on Memorial Day everyone is getting free egg roll as a thank you gesture.

One thing that Sheldon appreciated about that policy, is that the restaurant seemed discreet about it; they never publish it, it's never on the bored outside the restaurant or written in the menu. They just bring the orders with the egg roll or just a few moments after they bring in the courses and before the costumers comment that they didn't ordered it, they say that it's on the house for everyone, and that's always makes Sheldon feel warm inside.

Sheldon saw the owner of the restaurant putting the egg roll next to him in the corner of his eye, and looked up and smiled a small smile at him.

"Thank you." Sheldon said, as he does every year.

"Thank you." The restaurant owner said to Sheldon who only nodded.

Sheldon never confirmed or denied a connection to this day, but he knew by now that the restaurant owner knows he has a personal connection to this day and he appreciated that he never tried to ask him about it; he simply gave him his egg roll, thanked him and left Sheldon alone.

When Sheldon was done with his lunch the sun was starting to set and it was just a little bit before dusk time. once he paid the bill, Sheldon left the restaurant and headed to the Griffith Observatory to watch the sky and the stars as he did every year since he moved to California on Memorial Day.

As always, the observatory was filled with visitors, but he hoped that the roof would be less crowded and that he will find a quiet corner to stand and look at the sky, and maybe he'll get lucky and there will be a free telescope to watch the skies in more depth.

Sheldon went to the roof top and after going through a big crowd of people, he finally found a quiet corner where he looked at the skies as the sun was setting and let out a broken sigh.

"I miss you Liz." Sheldon said with a broken voice and looked at the sky and felt the tears starting to run down his face and he quickly wiped them.

"I know… I know it's okay to feel sad and cry… I just… can't go back to where I was… I won't come out of it…" Sheldon said as if he's talking to Liz.

Just as he was about to talk again, he heard a small voice talking softly, and Sheldon could have sworn he heard that voice somewhere.

"I miss you guys… you don't even know how much." The small voice said softly.

Sheldon looked to his right, and a few feet from him was the woman he ran into today.

_What was her name?_ he thought for a moment.

_Amy Farrah Fowler, right. _He immediately remembered.

He saw she was looking at a picture and she was crying a little bit.

Sheldon's first instinct was to let her be. If it were him, he wouldn't want some stranger to intrude on his private moment with Liz. If he wanted company, he would have told Leonard to come with him.

On the other hand, she did give him her card and now she was here, so maybe letting her know there's someone here who understands what she's going through may help her feel less lonely.

Before Sheldon had any opportunity to say anything, Amy wiped her tears and, in the process, looked to her left and saw Sheldon.

"What… what are you doing here? Are you following me?" she asked him with some anger in her voice.

"I was here first. I could ask you the same question."

"I come here every year."

"Me too."

"Really?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Really."

"Then how come I never saw you."

"It's a big roof… there are 24 hours a day… there are a lot of people… I can go on and on." Sheldon started.

"Okay… I get it…" Amy sighed and was about to leave when Sheldon reached out his hand.

"I… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to be harsh… it's a long, emotional day. I… I'm sure you understand…" Sheldon mumbled quietly.

"I do…" Amy said and got closer to Sheldon.

"So…" Amy started to speak and then faltered.

"So…?" Sheldon asked.

"How are you hanging up?" She asked softly.

"Better than previous years. You?"

"I think I've been better… it's still overwhelming."

"It is."

"May I ask you a question about your loved one?" Amy asked softly and Sheldon looked at her suspiciously.

"Okay…"

"How old were they when they died?" Amy bluntly asked.

"She was 20." Sheldon answered with heavy tone.

"Oh… she… you don't hear that a lot…"

"Yeah… she was my girlfriend…"

There was a tense silence before Amy talked again.

"My boyfriend was 21 when he died… my brother was 22. It was the worst day of my life." Amy said as if she's talking to no one in particular.

"Yeah… it was the worst day of my life as well…" Sheldon said to the air.

"May I ask another question." Amy asked hesitantly and Sheldon only nodded.

"How…" she faltered, but Sheldon understood her perfectly.

"Training accident. Her plane and another plane collided. there were no survivors." Sheldon answered.

"Yours?" Sheldon asked softly.

"Afghanistan. My brother and my boyfriend were in the same unit together and they were in an operation when they were shot by terrorists. The doctors tried to do everything they could but there wasn't much they could have done… they both lost a lot of blood and vital organs were hit…" Amy said brokenly, as if she's reliving the day all over again.

"I… I'm so sorry…" Sheldon said softly.

He didn't know what to do so he took out a tissue out of his windbreaker pocket and handed it to her.

"Thank you."

"How long ago?" Sheldon asked her.

"It was in 2001, so 9 years ago. You?"

"10 years… in fact yesterday was exactly 10 years…" Sheldon said and sighed heavily.

"How can one move on from that?" Amy asked in frustration, not really expecting an answer.

"I don't know…" Sheldon said.

They kept standing there, looking at the skies as it slowly darkened and before the knew it, it was the evening.

They stood there quietly when Amy broke the silence.

"See those three bright stars in there?" Amy pointed to a patch in the sky where there three stars close to each other, shining brighter than any other star in the sky.

"What about them?" Sheldon asked.

"I want to believe that these stars are our loved ones, signaling us that they are okay and that we will also be okay." She said softly and looked at Sheldon who looked at her like she was a crazy person.

"Really?"

"I know it's not a real thing, but this is my way of coping… do you have a better suggestion? Walking into people maybe?" Amy asked him annoyingly.

"I said I'm sorry about that… and… I guess not… I also fell into the practice of talking to Liz out loud as if she's here…" Sheldon said and saw Amy looking at him with question.

"What?" he asked.

"Liz?"

"Oh… my girlfriend."

"Oh… okay. I was confused for a moment. yeah, I talk to my brother and boyfriend like they are here as well… I guess it just happens automatically." Amy pondered.

Sheldon stayed quiet. He felt like he already shared too much with Amy, a woman he didn't know, and he didn't want to go into the story of losing his grandfather and father and how he dealt with their loss comparing to losing Liz, but in his heart he knew that the way he dealt with the loss of his grandfather and father was completely different. He only talked to Liz as if she was here. It didn't happen with his dad or grandpa. Only with Liz.

They stood there a while longer before Amy talked again.

"It's getting late. I guess I should get going…"

"Yeah… me too." Sheldon said and they went down back to the street. Back to reality.

"Well… um… do you need a ride?" Amy asked hesitantly.

"No… it's okay… I'll take the bus."

"Okay then… goodbye." Amy waved at him.

"Goodbye." Sheldon said and went to catch a bus back home.

On his way home Sheldon thought how easy it was for him to open up to Amy. it took him years to tell Leonard about Liz, but with Amy it was much simpler. He didn't know why and how it turned out that way, but in some ways he felt relieved. He felt relieved that he started to talk about her to other people and that Amy could understand what he's going through.

After a very long bus ride, Sheldon finally got to his stop. Once he was in the building, he took out his phone to see if someone looked for him. there were a few texts from Leonard, his mom and his sister, telling him that they are here for him and Leonard also said that if he needed a ride he will come and get him.

Sheldon responded to all and then took out the card Amy gave him this morning and looked at it with hesitation.

Eventually he tucked it back in his windbreaker pocket and entered his apartment to see Leonard watching some tv.

"Hey buddy. How are you?"

"I'm fine." Sheldon sighed and went to put his things at his desk.

"Long day?"

"Yes." Sheldon said and went to make himself some tea.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure."

"It's okay. I'm here for you." Leonard said and Sheldon nodded.

Sheldon took his tea and went to his room, his mind filled with thoughts. He took out Liz's picture form his drawer and stared at it and sighed.

"Why was it so easy to talk to her? It was never that easy to talk to anyone. It shouldn't be that easy… it was only supposed to be easy with you…" Sheldon said brokenly and started to cry.

He put his tea on the nightstand and took the picture and hugged it tightly as he kept crying until he fell asleep.

Back in Glendale, in a small apartment, Amy Farrah Fowler looked at a picture of her boyfriend and asked him the same question Sheldon was asking his girlfriend, and she also cried herself to sleep, holding on to the picture of her boyfriend.

**A/N:**

**Thank you so much for keeping up with this story. I really hope you liked this chapter and I can't wait to write the next chapters.**

**Also, I can't wait to read your thoughts about this chapter.**

**Fun fact: The Shadow of the Wind is one of my favorite books from when I was a teenager. I think it was the first "adults" book I read.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory.**

**A/N:**

**This story is definitely about Sheldon and Amy, but it will be an AU and OOC and will start in 2010.**

**I got this idea during Memorial Day in my country and the fact that this story can be true to a lot of people in a lot of countries around the world.**

**The story will revolve around dealing with loss and how it affects someone. If it's a trigger to anyone who decides to read this story, please do it carefully.**

**I have no intention of offending anyone with my story.**

**Chapter 4:**

One month, past since Memorial Day and since Sheldon and Amy met for the very first time. Since Memorial Day and the time they spoke at Griffith Observatory, their ways never crossed again.

Sheldon remembered he still had Amy's card buried in his wallet, but he didn't dare to look at it, let alone taking it out. He couldn't. Not after the talk they had and the guilt he felt afterwards.

He still wondered at times why it was so easy to open up to Amy like this, when it took him so long to tell Leonard about Liz. And Leonard was his best friend.

He was walking towards the cafeteria as he thought about everything that happened last month, when Howard called him and brought him back to reality.

"Sheldon!"

"What?" Sheldon said, looking at Howard with confused eyes.

"You nearly walked into the trays' station." Howard pointed out and Sheldon looked down to see the trays' station close to his crotch.

"Thank you." Sheldon said and grabbed a tray and started to get his lunch.

"Are you okay?" Howard asked as they sat at the table where Leonard and Raj were already seated.

"Yes."

"Is everything alright?" Leonard asked as Sheldon and Howard sat at the table.

"Sheldon nearly bumped into the trays' station." Howard said and started eating.

"I was just distracted. Everything's alright." Sheldon said annoyingly.

Leonard looked at Sheldon with concerned look and was about to talk when President Siebert entered the cafeteria with a woman no one saw before.

"Who is she?" Raj immediately asked.

"I don't know. She looks new here." Howard said.

"I can't see her face." Raj said just and tried to look at her face just as both the woman and president Siebert turned around and saw them.

Sheldon's eyes bugged out when he saw her.

"Ah... Dr. Cooper, Dr. Hofstadter, Dr. Koothrapalli, Mr. Wolowitz, I'd like you all to meet Dr. Fowler. She came here for a short period to be a guest lecturer in the neurobiology department, and hopefully we'll be able to keep her here." President Siebert smiled.

"Hello." Everyone said.

"Hello. You can call me Amy." Amy said with a small smile, but kept her eyes on Sheldon who made it look like he's busy with his lunch, but sneaked glances at Amy.

There was an awkward silence between everyone, and Sheldon and Amy kept sneaking looks at each other until President Siebert cut off the silence.

"Well, I guess I'll keep showing you around, Dr. Fowler. Gentlemen."

And at that Amy and President Siebert left the four to their lunch.

Sheldon let out a breath he didn't even realized he was holding, a little too loud which made the other three looked at him.

"Are you alright?" Leonard asked.

"Do you know her?" Raj and Howard asked at the same time as Leonard talked.

Leonard was confused at Raj and Howard's question and looked at Sheldon who looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"I'm fine." Sheldon said.

Sheldon then continued to play with his food for a few more moments while the guys sat there quietly, eating their lunch.

Suddenly Sheldon got up, took his tray with him to clean it and left the cafeteria., while his friends looking at him with confused looks on their faces.

"So… you think he knows Amy?" Howard asked Leonard who shrugged his shoulders and kept eating.

In the meantime, Sheldon returned to his office and closed the door to his office a little to loud than he intended and went to sit at his desk with a huff.

_Is she following me? _Sheldon thought in anger.

He barely had time to think any further when a small knock on his door was heard.

"Come in." Sheldon said and didn't look at the person who came into his office.

"Everything alright, buddy?" Leonard asked him as he closed the door behind him.

"Yes." Sheldon answered shortly.

"You seemed pretty upset back at lunch… when president Siebert introduced Amy to us."

"Yeah… well…"

"Well what?" Leonard tried to make Sheldon talk, unsuccessfully.

"Nothing…" Sheldon sighed.

"Okay." Leonard got up and went towards the door.

"If you want to talk about it, you know where to find me." Leonard said before he opened the door and Left Sheldon's office.

Sheldon sighed again and put his head between his hands.

He sat like that for a while, thinking of everything that happened between him and Amy on Memorial Day and then he thought of how he felt in the evening; the guilt that ate at him because of how easy it was to talk to Amy.

He was about to break down in tears when another knock on his door disturbed him.

"I thought I will find you, Leonard." Sheldon said as he went to open the door to his office.

"I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?" it wasn't Leonard at the door.

"You… what do you want? Are you following me?" Sheldon asked Amy as he turned back to his office, leaving Amy at the doorstep.

"May I come in?" Amy asked gently.

"Okay." Sheldon said as he sat back at his desk.

Amy came into Sheldon's office with hesitant steps, and gently closed the door behind her.

"Thank you."

"So… what is it that you want?"

"I… I wanted to talk to you… and as to your other question; no. I am not following you. As president Siebert explained, I came here as a guest lecturer and that's all."

"Yes… for now…"

"Look. I don't owe you any explanation what I'm doing with my career choices. I had no idea you work here. I was as surprised to see you here as you were to see me." Amy answered harshly.

"Alright. Is that all?"

"No… I actually thought that maybe we could… I don't know… be friends or something of the sort…" Amy said exasperated.

In that particular moment she didn't know why she wanted to be friends with that person in the first place, but she remembered it was nice to have someone to talk to… that wasn't from the support group.

"Why would you think we could be friends?" Sheldon raised an eyebrow at her.

"Honestly, right now I really don't know why, but it was… I don't know… nice, maybe… to have someone to talk to – "

"You go to a support group." Sheldon cut her off.

"Who was **not** from the support group." Amy continued.

"Oh. Well… I don't know."

"Okay… it's fine…" Amy turned to walk out from Sheldon's office.

Just when she was about to go out of the office she heard Sheldon murmur something.

"Did you feel guilty after we talked?" Sheldon asked with his head bowed to his table.

Amy took a deep breath before she answered.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes." Amy said as she closed the door.

"Why?"

"I… I… I felt like I was cheating on Nathan."

"Nathan?"

"My boyfriend."

"Oh… yes… I felt the same way…"

"Why do you think it happened to you?" Amy asked carefully.

"I don't know exactly… I just know that other than my Meemaw, Liz was the one person I could talk to about everything and she listened to me and encouraged me…" Sheldon said with a sigh.

"I know what you mean…" Amy said quietly.

"You do?" Sheldon asked as he gestured Amy to sit in the chair in front of him.

"Yes. Nathan and Aaron, my brother, were the two people I felt the most comfortable talking to about everything. They really supported me and understood me and the reasons behind my choices in life… and then… they were suddenly gone…"

"Yes… gone…" Sheldon sighed for what felt like the 100th time for that day.

They sat in Sheldon's office in quiet for a while, thinking about their loved ones and how much they miss them.

"I'm sorry." Sheldon said all of a sudden.

"What for?" Amy asked in confusion.

"I was rude to you and you didn't deserve it…" Sheldon said quietly.

"Thank you. it's okay."

"It's just… it's hard for me to talk to people in general so talk to someone about Liz…"

"Yeah… I get it…"

Sheldon wanted to admit to her that it was easy for him to talk to her, but decided against it.

_She doesn't have to know that. _Sheldon thought.

"Well… I guess I'll go back to my office. I guess I'll see you around." Amy said and got up.

"I guess so." Sheldon said.

Amy extended her hand to shake Sheldon's hand and he looked at her with confused look.

"Colleagues?"

"I don't shake hands."

"Fine." Amy dropped her hand and went to the door.

Something in her reaction made Sheldon's brain itch. He got up and stopped her.

"Colleagues." He said and extended his hand to shake hers.

Amy took his hand and shook it with a soft smile, which Sheldon returned.

Something happened when they shook hands. Something neither one wanted to admit… not to themselves and not aloud, but they knew that something happened. The feeling of holding each other hand, even if it was just for a moment, felt good… comforting. Something neither one of them felt for a long time.

"I… I should go…" Amy said quietly.

"Alright." Sheldon said and let go of her hand.

Once Amy was gone Sheldon breathed heavily, as if it was the first time he was breathing.

_What is that? what is it? why am I feeling like that with her? _Sheldon thought.

He couldn't think straight anymore. he didn't like the way he felt.

He grabbed his things and left his office. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew he had to go.

He texted Leonard that he won't come back with him after work and that he's going for a walk.

In return Leonard asked him if he was okay and Sheldon only answered that he is and that Leonard doesn't need to worry about him.

Sheldon the university and just walked around. He didn't pay attention to the time and how long he was walking around, but eventually he found himself entering to The Cheesecake Factory and went straight to the bar.

He felt relieved that Penny wasn't there. He didn't want to explain everything to her.

"I'll have Cuba Lire." Sheldon said to the waitress at the bar.

Sheldon hated alcohol and all that it entails, but at the moment he felt that this is the only thing that will help him deal with the stress and guilt and other feelings that were eating him inside.

Sheldon was deep in thoughts, and a little drunk, when Penny entered the restaurant to start her shift, at first she didn't see him, but when she went to put her things at the back, she noticed him; his right hand on the bar and his head lying on top of his hand and it looked like he was very upset.

Penny signaled to the waitress at the bar to get closer so they could talk.

"Hey Deb, What's with him?" Penny asked Deb as she pointed at Sheldon.

"I don't know. he came here an hour ago, asked for Cuba Libre, drank a few sips and then put his had on his hand and started to mumble to himself." Deb updated Penny.

"Mumble? What was he mumbling?"

"I didn't pay too much attention, but I think I caught something that sounded like Liz…"

"Liz? Weird… okay, thanks. I'll take care of him." Penny said with a sigh and went to put her things in her locker and called Leonard.

"Hey." Leonard answered.

"Hey. Um… look… I need you to come here." Penny said as she watched Sheldon from near the register.

"Here where? Why?"

"To the restaurant. Sheldon is here and well… he's drunk."

"What? what did you give him this time?"

"I didn't give him anything. you saw me going to work 20 minutes ago. Apparently, he came here alone and asked for Cuba Libre by himself…"

"Not a virgin one?"

"Nope. Deb worked the bar shift and she told me that after he took a few sips he laid his head on his hand and started to mumble things. The only thing she caught was something she said that sounded like 'Liz'. Do you know something about it?" Penny asked.

"Oh… um… no. Okay, keep him there, I'll be right there." Leonard said quickly and hung up the call.

Penny approached Sheldon carefully. She didn't want to scare him or do something that will make him run away and then it'll be harder for them to find him.

"Sheldon? Sweetie? Are you alright?" She asked gently.

Sheldon focused his eyes on Penny and talked.

"Penny… hello…"

"Hi. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine… I'll be better soon…"

"Okay. I called Leonard so he'll be here soon to take you home."

"Leonard…" Sheldon slurred and smiled.

"Don't tell anyone about Liz, Leonard!" Sheldon said to a spot far away.

"He won't." Penny promised Sheldon.

Penny sat next to Sheldon and kept an eye on him until Leonard showed up. He didn't say much while they waited for Leonard, and Penny decided not to push him, for a change.

"Hey." Leonard approached them. he looked like he just ran a marathon.

"Hey. I think he's asleep." Penny said as she looked at Sheldon who was quiet for a while.

Leonard put a hand on Sheldon's shoulder gently and called his name.

"Sheldon…"

Nothing.

"Buddy… wake up… it's Leonard."

Sheldon opened his eyes and looked at his friend.

"Leonard! You're a good friend, Leonard."

"Thank you. Now come home. you need to get some sleep."

"Home? I don't have a home… I have a house, Leonard…" Sheldon said as he got up and leaned on Leonard and Penny for support.

"You don't have a house you live in an apartment."

"I know that…"

Leonard and Penny exchanged confused looks. They've seen Sheldon drunk once or twice, but this time he didn't make any sense at all.

"Home is where the people you love are… my home is with Liz…" Sheldon said and Leonard took a deep breath and patted his friend's back.

"You'll have a home, buddy."

"No… I won't…"

Leonard didn't respond any further, and the all kept quiet until they got to Leonard's car where Penny and Leonard put Sheldon gently in Leonard's car.

Once they closed the door Penny turned to Leonard.

"Who's Liz?"

"I can't tell you."

"What? you tell me everything."

"No, I don't, and I will not discuss this with you."

"Why not?"

"Because it's Sheldon's thing!"

"Fine…"

"And don't try to get it out of him!" Leonard warned her as he went to the driver's sit, and Penny crossed her arms like a little girl who was just deprived her favorite candy.

Back in Los Robles, Leonard helped Sheldon up the three flights of stairs and he cursed every step they went up, that the elevator wasn't working.

Finally, after about 10 minutes that seemed like an hour, they were in 4A and Leonard started to walk towards Sheldon's room when Sheldon stopped him.

"I wanna sleep on the couch…"

"Are you sure? You'll be more comfortable in your bed."

"I want to sleep on the couch. The room makes me think of Liz."

"Alright." Leonard said and helped Sheldon to lay down on their couch.

He then helped him take off his shoes and then covered him with a blanket.

Sheldon was out just as Leonard covered him with a blanket and Leonard sighed heavily. For the first time he really felt bad for Sheldon. He went to the bathroom and brought out some Aspirin and it and a bottle of water next to Sheldon, in case he needed it.

He then sat on the white chair and sighed heavily. He didn't know what to do. He didn't think that calling Sheldon's mom will do any good. He didn't want to enforce therapy on Sheldon. he couldn't talk to their friends about it both because he promised Sheldon he wouldn't tell anyone, but mostly because it wasn't his place to tell them about Liz.

For the first time in their entire friendship, Leonard felt absolutely useless to Sheldon.

Without realizing it, Leonard fell asleep as well and was woken up by Sheldon calling his name.

"Leonard." Sheldon practically yelled at him.

"What?"

"What am I doing here? Why am I sleeping on the couch?" Sheldon asked more quietly as while rubbing his head.

"You asked me to let you sleep on the couch…" Leonard said.

"Why?" Sheldon asked as he grabbed the bottle of water that Leonard put next to him earlier.

"You…" Leonard sighed.

"You see… apparently you went to The Cheesecake Factory earlier today and had a few sips of Cuba Libre. Penny called me and told me to come and get you since you were drunk and mumbling in the restaurant…"

"Mumbling?"

"Yes."

"What did I mumble?"

"Well… before I arrived Penny said you mumbled something that sounded like Liz…"

"Liz?"

"Yes… and well… when I got there… you told me that I'm a good friend and when I tried to take you home you said that you don't have a home… you have a house… you said that your…"

"That my home is with Liz…damn it… " Sheldon sighed.

"Did Penny hear any of it?"

"Yes… but I didn't tell her a thing about Liz. I swear."

"Thank you, Leonard."

They were quiet for a few moments before Sheldon looked around him again.

"But… what am I doing here?"

"You told me that your room makes you think of Liz."

"Oh… alright."

"Sheldon… I have to ask… what happened today?"

"It's nothing…"

"Sheldon… come on. I want to help you."

"There's nothing you can do…"

"I can listen."

Sheldon thought about it for a few moments and eventually gave up.

"It's… it's Dr. Fowler."

"Dr. Fowler… Amy? the new lecturer?"

"Yes."

"What about her?"

"I met her on Memorial Day near a coffee place I go to every year… it's… well it's close to a supporting group for people who lost their loved ones in the army…"

"You went-?"

"No. I never entered, but I go to the coffee shop next to it every year. I read about the supporting group a while back, but never had the courage to go in, so I end up in the coffee shop next to it…"

"So you met Amy in the coffee shop?"

"Outside it… she… well… she goes to the meetings…"

"Oh…"

"She told me that she knows it's hard to enter but that it helps. She gave me her card and everything, but I never used it…"

"I then ran into her later on that day in Griffith Observatory… and we talked… and it was…"

"Hard?" Leonard asked carefully.

"No… it was easy… since she could have an idea of what I was going through… or because she's a stranger… I don't know… but it was easy to open up to her… and I felt guilty…"

"Guilty? Why?"

"I felt like I'm cheating on Liz. She was the only person, other than Meemaw I could talk to about everything… and now this stranger woman comes and I can just talk to her?!"

Leonard didn't know how to respond to that. There is nothing that he could say that will make Sheldon feel otherwise.

"And today I saw Amy again… and it was weird… and I didn't know how to react… what to say to her… and then she came to my office…"

"She came to your office?"

"Yes… and we talked… and she told me she felt the same way about what happened… and when she left, we shook hands… and… I don't know what I felt… but I didn't feel it in a long, long time Leonard…"

There was a tense silence that Sheldon broke.

"I'm scared, Leonard." Sheldon whispered.

**A/N:**

**Thank you so much for keeping with my stories. I am trying to write as much as I can, but I'm going through some things that unfortunately makes lose my inspiration. I am trying to write no matter what, but it's not easy.**

**I promise I didn't forget about the other stories and I will update them next.**

**I would to read your thoughts and reviews about this chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own The Big Bang Theory.**

**A/N:**

**This story is definitely about Sheldon and Amy, but it will be an AU and OOC and will start in 2010.**

**I got this idea during Memorial Day in my country and the fact that this story can be true to a lot of people in a lot of countries around the world.**

**The story will revolve around dealing with loss and how it affects someone. If it's a trigger to anyone who decides to read this story, please do it carefully.**

**I have no intention of offending anyone with my story**.

**The Italic part is the end of chapter 4.**

**Chapter 5:**

_"It's… it's Dr. Fowler."_

_"Dr. Fowler… Amy? the new lecturer?"_

_"Yes."_

_"What about her?"_

_"I met her on Memorial Day near a coffee place I go to every year… it's… well it's close to a supporting group for people who lost their loved ones in the army…"_

_"You went-?"_

_"No. I never entered, but I go to the coffee shop next to it every year. I read about the supporting group a while back, but never had the courage to go in, so I end up in the coffee shop next to it…"_

_"So you met Amy in the coffee shop?"_

_"Outside it… she… well… she goes to the meetings…"_

_"Oh…"_

_"She told me that she knows it's hard to enter but that it helps. She gave me her card and everything, but I never used it…"_

_"I then ran into her later on that day in Griffith Observatory… and we talked… and it was…"_

_"Hard?" Leonard asked carefully._

_"No… it was easy… since she could have an idea of what I was going through… or because she's a stranger… I don't know… but it was easy to open up to her… and I felt guilty…"_

_"Guilty? Why?"_

_"I felt like I'm cheating on Liz. She was the only person, other than Meemaw I could talk to about everything… and now this stranger woman comes and I can just talk to her?!"_

_Leonard didn't know how to respond to that. There is nothing that he could say that will make Sheldon feel otherwise._

_"And today I saw Amy again… and it was weird… and I didn't know how to react… what to say to her… and then she came to my office…"_

_"She came to your office?"_

_"Yes… and we talked… and she told me she felt the same way about what happened… and when she left, we shook hands… and… I don't know what I felt… but I didn't feel it in a long, long time Leonard…"_

_There was a tense silence that Sheldon broke._

_"I'm scared, Leonard." Sheldon whispered._

"What is it that you scared of, buddy?" Leonard asked quietly.

"I don't know... I feel too comfortable with Amy. It took me years to feel comfortable around you..."

"Maybe it's a good thing." Leonard tried to comfort his friend.

"How can it be a good thing?"

"Well... you'll have someone to talk to - "

"I have you for that." Sheldon cut him off.

"Yes. You do, don't get me wrong, but Amy can be more helpful in this situation since both of you know what it's like to lose someone in military operation."

"I don't know..."

There was another tense silence that Sheldon broke with a whispered sentence.

"It took me years to tell you about Liz... I can't understand why it was so easy for me to open up to Amy about her."

"I don't know buddy. I guess sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers if they share something in common with you."

"How so?"

"I don't know, but I do remember that when I first moved in here it was easier for me to talk about my love for comic books and science fiction and not feel like a child, since you loved them too, and that was before we became actual friends." Leonard said with a small smile.

"I don't know..." Sheldon said not convinced.

He didn't know why it was so easy for him to talk to Amy about Liz and it frustrated him. It never was easy for him to talk to people in general, other than Liz and his Meemaw, so why all of a sudden it was easy for him to talk to Amy, and of all things he could have talk to her, the easiest thing to talk to Amy about, was about Liz.

There was an awkward silence before Sheldon got up and went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

"I would appreciate it if you won't tell Penny anything about what we discussed." Sheldon said to Leonard.

"I won't. I promise."

"Thank you."

"Do you want me to say something in particular if Penny would ask about yesterday?" Leonard asked him.

"I don't know. I hope she wouldn't ask."

"It's Penny, buddy. We both know full well that she will ask about it and that she will try and get your story out of me."

"I honestly don't know. Tell her I was talking crazy things... that might convince her. You are all thinking I'm somewhat of a crazy person, so this one time I will use that in my favor."

"Alright." Leonard nodded.

"For now, I think that I'm safe as long as she won't offer you sex in exchange for that information." Sheldon said as he went to his room to get ready for the day.

Under other circumstances Leonard would have probably been more annoyed, but he decided to let it slide this time. He actually thought that Sheldon had a point.

About half an hour later, Sheldon and Leonard were on their way to the university for another day of work.

Sheldon tried his best to concentrate on his work, but his mind kept coming back to that strange feeling he had when he and Amy shook hands yesterday.

He didn't know what it was or how to feel about it. All he knew was that he felt even worse about everything. Yes, it was easy to talk to Amy, and yes it was somewhat nice to have someone to talk to who could actually understand him, but Sheldon felt bad that it was so easy for him to talk to a stranger about Liz, when it took him so many years to talk about her with Leonard, who was his best friend.

Back in her office, Amy had similar thoughts while she was working on her next class. She thought of yesterday and that weird feeling she felt when she and Sheldon shook hands when she left his office. Amy also thought of how easy it was to open up to someone about Nathan and Aaron. It was never easy for her to talk about them. Even during the support group, it was hard to talk about them, let alone when she only started to go to the meetings, but something about Sheldon made her open up to him so easily and she could not, for the life of her, tell what it was exactly.

She didn't know if it was the way he looked so lost when she first met him, or the fact that she met him later during that day, in her favorite place to go to when she misses Aaron and Nathan the most, Griffith Observatory, or maybe that he knows how it feels to lose someone who served in the army, and he wasn't in her support group. Maybe the fact that he was a complete stranger and the fact she thought that she will never see him again, helped her open up to him. Even though she did give him her card, so she knew he might call her, though something about him gave her a feeling that he would not use the card.

When Amy saw Sheldon at Caltech, she felt numb. She thought she will never see him again, but there he was, eating lunch at Caltech, and apparently he worked there… and not as a guest lecturer like her current position there, so she thought she better make the best out of the situation and try and be in good terms with Sheldon. As she told him yesterday, it was kind of nice to have someone to talk to, who could understand what she was going through in the last 9 years, but then they shook hands, and that feeling she had when they shook hands once again woke up her guilt and she didn't know how to act from now on.

Amy shook her head and tried to focus on her work, to no avail. She decided to go out and freshen up before her class.

She thought that she was in luck that she only had one class today, so she can finish work rather early today.

Amy was sitting outside on a bench, soaking the sun while Sheldon was sitting in his office.

They both sighed heavily and thought about the other day. They felt guilty that was easy for them to talk about their loved ones to a stranger, and that weird feeling when they shook hands did not leave their mind.

That warmth they felt, almost as if someone you cherish, hugs you in comfort. And when the thought of comfort crossed their minds they realized that maybe that's what it was; a feeling that there is someone out there that can understand what they are going through and maybe, just maybe, can comfort them in a way that only someone who experienced such enormous loss, can comfort them.

They still didn't know how they will act around each other, but they felt somewhat relieved when they realized that what they experienced was comfort.

_It has to be it._ they thought in determination.

**A/N:**

**Thank you so much for reading.**

**I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update this story, but I was pretty stuck and didn't know how to continue, and this is why this chapter is a bit shorter.**

**I hope you will enjoy it, and as I always say – I did not forget about my stories and I'm doing my best to keep writing them when I can and when I'm in the right state of mind.**

**Reviews are always welcomed.**


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